Saturday, September 30, 2017

Lola and the Boy Next Door - Stephanie Perkins

Title: Lola and the Boy Next Door
Author: Stephanie Perkins
Format: Audiobook
Rating: 1 Star

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Lola Nolan is a budding costume designer, and for her, the more outrageous, sparkly, and fun the outfit, the better. And everything is pretty perfect in her life (right down to her hot rocker boyfriend) until the Bell twins, Calliope and Cricket, return to the neighborhood. When Cricket, a gifted inventor, steps out from his twin sister's shadow and back into Lola's life, she must finally reconcile a lifetime of feelings for the boy next door.
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Let me just start by saying that I LOVED Perkin's first book in this series: Anna and the French Kiss.  I Loved it hard!  I thought for sure this book would be as big a hit with me as Anna was.  Nope. I was so wrong.  

Why, you ask, did I not like this book?!  Well, let's start with the characters:

Lola - the protagonist, is a 16 year old girl who doesn't believe in fashion, but rather in costume.  (?!???!?!)  That's how the back of the book describes her.  She believes in costume.  So, she runs around in wigs and poofy dresses and BED SHEETS every day.  Literally bed sheets.  There is one day she wears a dress made out of a bed sheet to school!  One can't help but wonder what kind of parents let their kids run around in a fucking bed sheet?! 

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not the most normal fashiony person in the world - I mean, I'm in my 30's and my favorite clothes are t-shirts, jeans, and sneakers.  I dress like an 8 year old boy.  So, there you go. But I still just can't imagine why Lola's parents were so okay with her running around in a bed sheet.  I just... they should have put their foot down on that one.  I felt like Lola was trying to hide something, or like she didn't have a sense of who she really was so she had to hide behind cheesy costumes.  

Sure, teenagers are still pretty young and are developing a sense of who they are, but most teenagers, at least most older teenagers, have started to get a grasp of who they are or what they want in life. Lola just felt like an underdeveloped, immature, lost little girl.  Max was right when he said Lola was lying and had no idea who she really was.

Max - Lola's older 22 year old tattoed, rock-star boyfriend.  He is a douche of monumental proportions.  (Remember that scene in The Big Bang Theory when Howard says that Raj was "just comparing Sheldon to a feminine cleansing product one might use on a summer's eve," and Penny responds with "Yeah, and the bag it came in."?  I feel like that exchange sums up Max as well.)  He's an arrogant ass hat who doesn't deserve anyone other than himself.

Cricket - First of all, who names their kid Cricket?!  CRICKET?!  I can't even!  Things that the author just couldn't stop mentioning about Cricket: He's tall.  (that was mentioned every. single. time. Cricket was in a scene.)  He wears pants that are too short and pointy red shoes.  (Also mentioned every time you see Cricket.  Every. Time.)  His hair is wild.  (We get it!)  I think Cricket was another character who just tried too hard to stand out, and in actuality there was nothing original or unique about him.

Calliope - Ok, I know I am repeating myself here, but Calliope?  Did the author just do some grab bag of weird names people would NEVER name their kids?!  Ugh.  So, anyway - Calliope is a class a witch. She is truly a horrible person who is so selfish and only thinks and cares about herself.  What's even worse is that she behaves that way because her parents, for her entire life, have made their entire world revolve around her.  Everyone has to move because Calliope wants to train with a different coach.  Then they have to move again because she wants another different coach.  Then they have to go back to San Francisco because she wants to train with her original coach.  Cricket has to go to all her training sessions and do her hair and travel with her to France because she has to make the Olympic team!  UGH!

A few short sentences about the other characters: Anna and St. Clair were so different in this book.  They weren't the same couple - they were this hot co-dependent mess that relied on each other for everything instead of thinking for themselves about stuff.  Also, Anna turned into a terrible friend.  When Lola talks to Anna about things with Cricket, Lola asks if Anna is going to tell this stuff to St. Clair and Anna says yes.  So, suddenly she's allowed to give away private information about her friends just because she's in a relationship?!  HORRIBLE. 

Lola's parents were so cliched as well.  The author seems to think that every single gay man in the world loves to bake and make things.  Now, if Andy really loved baking, fine.  But it felt like Perkin's just took what she thought she knew about gay men and rolled it into one awful stereotype. 

The characters were not well-rounded or well-developed.  They were all incredibly immature and just not that interesting. 

Now, The Story:

I don't even know where to start.  The story was a big hot mess full of whiny bratty teenagers and grown ups who acted like whiny teenagers.  Our leading Lady, Lola has all the intrigue of a dead squirrel on the side of the road.  She is very wishy washy. I better stop before I go on another diatribe about Lola.  The story was just a back and forth between "Do I want Max or Do I want Cricket?"  It was just silly and that's about it. 

There wasn't much else happening besides Lola being unable to make up her mind about boys, and then some mindless crying again.

Friends, save your time for a different book - this one isn't really worth the time.

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